Marriages: then and now

(16 Oct 2013)

Back in the day, going by what we gather from epics, eligible bachelors trying to woo beautiful women for marriage would line up at the ‘swayamvar’, and display their bravery and prowess as warriors. The ‘best’ male would be someone who could sweep the woman off her feet with an exhibition of vigor. If you decipher the word ‘swayamvar’, you’d know it was a celebration of a woman’s choice of her own (swayam) groom (var). She enjoyed quite a free hand in choosing her man, from amongst a galaxy of powerful men. This wasn’t a typical ‘arranged’ marriage as such except that the invites to all the contestants would be sent out by the girl’s father. As it is, it was the lady who chose her man; not the other way round!

Times have changed, so have social practices. We don’t organize a ‘swayamvar’ anymore. We instead have men and women choosing each other. They go out, they spend time, and they try to know each other before taking the vow. They reject each other if they feel they should. Despite all the ‘love’ marriages happening all around, the fact that ‘arranged’ alliances are still immensely popular and practiced is evident from the big business matrimony sites are doing. When your parents couldn’t and you yourself couldn’t or maybe didn’t, these specialists come to your help. We have ‘relationship managers’ even before a relationship has been formed! They’ll take personalized care and find a match for you. An organized outsourcing model, I should say. It’s true they connect two strangers, much like in a traditional ‘arrangement’, but thankfully the society’s taboos have changed. It’s perceived okay for the wannabe couple to hang out, to try to know each other as much as they can, and prolong this courtship period if the two decide so. While in some conventional parental space, it could spell uncertainty due to the unknown nature of the devil called the cyber space, it is also a relief from having to go through the painful exercise of finding a soulmate for their son or daughter. Today’s times are so different from theirs, it could be unfair to subject them to such decision making on behalf of a generation they almost never understand well.

What I like the most about my generation with respect to marriages is that it doesn’t want to shy away from taking charge of life. Making one’s own choices is so much fun and so much full of life. My generation most importantly is ready to take ownership of the space of their life they think belongs exclusively to them.

It’s interesting how what we do changes over time. If you’ve had an arranged marriage, please be proud you’re contributing to the new ways to getting married that allows the couple to fall in love before they exchange garlands. If you’ve had a love marriage, you be saluted for being a pioneer of the change our society is going through in terms of perception and practice. 

Whatever your method is, marriage is a great experience. Try it once!